I now remember what I did with my time before I met Yasmin:
Jayne Mansfield in her heart-shaped bathtub in the pink carpeted bathroom of her home, known as “The Pink Palace,” in Los Angeles, 1960 (via)Miss Queen
I need to start writing again.
Being so close to my childhood home has being doing some crazy things to my state of mind! Mostly in good ways. I have been a lot more calm as of late. Not so stressed about everything. Maybe it’s not evening being in Idaho, maybe it’s just because I’m nesting. I made vegan zucchini banana muffins today with chocolate chips on top :) and I’ve been doing laundry and listening to music and burning candles and incense. To be honest, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m in love, I have a pretty good job where I am appreciated, a place to call my own, a handsome kitty, and most importantly, I have worked for it. I am so glad these things were not just handed to me. I worked my ass off in Alaska this summer and I have all of these things to show for it. I’m proud. I’m proud of myself and of Yasmin. I am so happy she has a job she likes and is good at.
Anyways the point of this was.. I feel like I am on my way to becoming the woman I always wanted to be. In high school there were times I was so unhappy with my life that I would lay on my floor and just cry uncontrollably. Not many people knew what I was going through at the time, but I hated my life. Every day I thought about who I wished I could become, and it’s amazing to me that what I wanted never changed. And here I am, surprising myself that it’s really happening. I might not be as tiny as I’d like to be.. weight has always been, and probably will always be a huge battle in my life but honestly I’m starting to accept it. It’s not about how I look, it’s about how I feel and my health. And I can honestly say I’m trying. I have been exercising with my sister and I’ve been meditating more often again. I’m eating as healthy as I can and I’m working on self control. We have been decorating the apartment so it feels more like home. Trying to keep it clean has been hard with our busy schedules but we’re making it work! I really couldn’t be happier. :)
It just occured to me that I haven’t been on my personal tumblr in over a month. That is crazy! Alaska is amazing and beautiful. Nothing can really describe it. For those of you who are curious, our Alaska blog is livingin-hope.tumblr.com :) Hope everyone is doing well.